Asides

My Big Fat Lie

I think I’m starting to miss that regular rhythm of Friday Non-Dissertational entries I had going. A while back, as an audience analysis lead-in exercise for their persuasive/documented essays, I gave students the following scenario:

You stayed out really late last night partying with your friends, and — as a result — you completely slept through this morning’s College Writing midterm that was worth 40 percent of your grade. Write a note explaining what happened to:

  • Your favorite grandparent.
  • The Undergraduate Dean, in the hopes of staying off academic probation.
  • Your best friend, who last night kept telling you, “Come on, just one more.”

Students immediately asked the obvious question: Can we lie? (My shocked-sounding response: Would you lie to your favorite grandparent?)

Anyway: after that exercise, and in the slowly escalating end-of-semester crunch, I thought we’d do a (hopefully) fun bit of low-stakes writing at the start of class today. I offered the following weblog prompt: tell the biggest, most absolutely ridiculous pack of lies you can come up with. And I must say, I was impressed with the creativity and humor of the results, which are linked from the main course weblog at http://scripta.vitia.org/.

But the reason I mentioned the Friday Non-Dissertatonal stuff above is that in writing along with them, I found myself kinda struck by inspiration for this thing that was more a tall tale than a bunch of lies, and I just had to get it out. And, well, I’m proud of it. There’s a bit of family folklore about my dad throwing a rock through one of the windows in the house, and when Granny asked him why he did it, he told her that the wind blew it out of his hand. I like to flatter myself that my better stories come from a similar impulse towards fiction. So, hey: maybe it’s not as good a lie as the ones that some students wrote, but I had fun doing it today. Check it out.

That Recessive Trait

In my seventh-grade biology class, I found out that I inherited just about every recessive gene trait possible: left-handed, widow’s peak (well, you could tell when I had hair), that weird thing with the tongue, and being color-blind. (I don’t think being a Scorpio is a recessive gene trait, but I could be wrong.)

So I’m working under the assumption that I’ve got a fancy new WordPress-styled layout in shades of gray and black and toxic green, and I’m hoping that somebody might please let me know if I’m horribly, embarassingly wrong; if it all looks, like, brown. Or purple.

Or, you know, if it clashes with what you’re wearing.

Tearing My Scant Hair Out

I’ve been struggling with this for days now: trying to get WP to show a list of 20 recent comments — yes, since I think the dialogue is the most important part of this weblog — in the left-side menu. I’ve gone to the WP wiki, I’ve gone to the forums, and I’m finally flippin exasperated. Why would WP not include an easy option to display comments in their setup? Why am I teaching myself PHP, using the legacy my-hacks file, and getting errors when I try to do something as simple as get other peoples’ responses to show up as links in the sidebar? This is infuriating, and I’m so ready to go back to MT.

One of these days, I’m going to set up a writing course for coders and programmers who are solipsistic and arrogant enough to write their own documentation: it’s going to be called, “Audience, Audience, Audience, Audience, Audience, Audience: An Important, Common, and Much-Neglected Concern, and Yes, This Means You.” SixApart’s staff flunked a long time ago — that’s how they make their money, by taking your cash to do an installation for you after you get bogged down in their byzantine linguistic flow-charts — and, well, the WordPress folks are well on their way, mostly for structural reasons. Like making would-be users chase down non-workable information all over FAQs, support fora, and wikis.

After all, displaying a list of comments on a weblog is pretty esoteric. Who’d ever want to do that?

I’m SO Not a Designer

OK, so it’s a little less ugly, now that I’ve borrowed atthe404’s Vesuvius layout. Haven’t ever worked with PHP before, so while the learning curve isn’t exactly steep, it’s still making my head hurt. Had to try a couple different hacks to show recent posts; I’m sure I’ll have to try a couple more to show recent comments. And I’m still not sure I like the layout; I want to get the pictures back on the left and the links and stuff back on the right, because — knowing that people read left to right — I want readers to see the attention-getting stuff first (the tall skinny semi-abstract greenish pictures), and then get to the meat of the entries, with the admin business (the links and such) saved for last, on the right. And that CSS skullduggery will take a non-technically-oriented person like myself a little bit of doing — so, yes, this layout is gonna mush around some over the next few weeks. But the green and gray will stay. I like the green and gray.

What else is going on? Not doing much reading; trying to get some chapter-drafting done. The cats are at peace, and Dad’s said that — after a long, long time — he’ll be happy to host the extended-family Christmas Day dinner downtown again, which means I’m in for big-time cooking and cleaning duties. Having inherited my mom’s recipe collection and some of her cookware — including a molded English pudding steamer — I’m on deck for doing the steamed-for-six-hours holiday plum pudding, so I’m going through a series of dry runs, making sure I can do this big involved recipe right when the time comes. (The recipes are all like, “Make sure the suet melts before the flour particles burst,” and I’m like: huh?) I’ve never asked a butcher for beef suet before; never even thought I’d do such a thing, especially not for a dessert. But that’s the odd thing, I guess: the radical disparities in the class backgrounds of my mom’s side of the family and my dad’s side of the family produced the strangest mishmashes of holiday meals; English puddings and birds cooked within birds alongside black-eyed peas or collard greens boiled with ham hocks. With my mom’s family, you had stilton and scallion puffs as an hors d’ouvre; with my dad’s family, you had pickled pig’s ears as a snack. Popovers versus cornbread; grits versus grapefruit; “highballs” served at 6 p.m. on Friday versus a Pabst Blue Ribbon with lunch after you mowed the back pasture.

I learned about cars from my dad. The first car that was mine’ to drive was Granny’s farm-use 1974 GMC Custom 1500: a big, old, rusted-out pickup truck, painted Creme de Menthe green. To work on the engine, you had to actually climb inside the hood and sit on the wheel well with your head bowed. The do-it-yourself orientation I learned from driving and fixing that truck has really informed the way I approach Web technologies: while knowing I’m a complete novice, I’m not too afraid to climb in under the hood and tinker a bit. (My greatest victory with that GMC was using two scraps of pine 2 x 4 and an empty plastic oil bottle to get the engine to limp home a hundred miles from Harper’s Ferry.) But see, until lately, until checking out my mom’s handwritten recipes and comparing them to the dogeared and wine-stained pages in her Craig Claiborne, James Beard, Fannie Farmer, Julia Child, and other cookbooks, I hadn’t figured out that she did the same thing in her cooking. In that realization, stratifications of class and gender, men’s work and women’s work, seem to collapse in odd ways.

I’m wondering how those stratifications might play out in Web work. Historically, doing code has been a more male-dominated thing, and design as a field has had (a few) more women — does that divide point to a class divide, as well? Is design more upper-class, more stylish, more chic? Do we expect coders to have dirt under their fingernails?

The Ugly Stick

As you can see, I’ve finally changed over to an open-source, valid-code solution, and I wonder if the WordPress folks purposely make the default install this ugly in order to encourage people to tinker with it. And, yeah, that’s what I’ll be continuing to work on tonight; trying to adapt my old three-column CSS layout to this thing. I’m hoping the comment spam will abate some, too. Anyway: poke around, kick the tires, let me know what’s broken?

Waiting in the wings: some more stuff on Freirean critical pedagogy as enacted in the U.S., with some contrasting perspectives from Richard E. Miller and Bill Thelin, since a valuable recent exchange with the latter spurred my memory and got me thinking about the differing cultural and economic courses of action by others who’ve written on the topic.

Twoscore Less a Finn

With apologies to Dr. H.S.T.

Just like every year, I’m at the bar. I’ve finished my Piper-Heidsieck cocktail, and I’m working on a Bombay Sapphire martini, rocks and olives, since it’ll probably be a while before I have the chance again. There’s the screech of tires out front and then the concussive glass-and-metal whump. Silence for a few seconds, and then a dim hubbub until I hear her braying: “I don’t care if you were parking, asshole; this is a one-way street! Do you see this? Do you know what this is? This is a Colt .50 caliber Desert Eagle — now move your vehicle, citizen!”

I look straight ahead when she storms in. She takes the stool next to mine, asks for a 30-year Laphroaig, straight up, and puts down a twenty. “So you’ve still got the license,” I venture.

“Course I do,” she says. She waves off the change.

“Did you actually brandish it?”

She takes a swallow of the scotch. “He’s the only one who saw it. So?”
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And You Feel Like Dancin’

I recently found a cache of old mix tapes I’d made in high school. Lots of hiss and lousy recordings — I think some of them were third- or fourth-generation cassette-to-cassette dubs — but they brought back some memories, and I finally caved in and did some searching at Apple’s online iTunes Music Store, and, well, I splurged a little. Bad Brains, Cro-Mags, Black Flag, Government Issue, Circle Jerks, and of course the Dead Kennedys:

So it’s Halloween
And you feel like dancin’
And you feel like shinin’
And you feel like letting loose

Whatcha gonna be
Babe, you better know
And you better plan
Better plan all day

Better plan all week
Better plan all month
Better plan all year

You’re dressed up like a clown
Putting on your act
It’s the only time all year
You’ll ever admit that

I can see your eyes
I can see your brain
Baby, nothing’s changed

You’re still hiding in a mask
You take your fun seriously
No, don’t blow this year’s chance
Tomorrow your mold goes back on

After Halloween
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The Comment Spam Flood

Like other folks, I’ve been inundated with comment spam over the past weeks: since my last post, I’ve added over a hundred URLs to my blacklist, and have deleted over six hundred comment spams. Is it time to ditch Movable Type? Hm. I’ve got a workable Drupal install and a workable WordPress install, but I’m not sure. I’m using Jay Allen’s most excellent MT-Blacklist plugin, which is a community-based solution that hits back against comment spammers by blacklisting them, rather than ducking the spammers by presenting a small target, as Drupal and WordPress do. (I don’t want to make potential commenters register: to do so, I think, would curtail some of the more spontaneous and interactive qualities of weblogs.) Maybe it’s an Army thing, but I’m much happier calling in fire on the people who are shooting at me than I am just ducking their fire.

Anyway: sorry for the hiatus. Went down to DC for my cousin’s wedding this past weekend (having one’s clan out on the dance floor and all singing along to Hank Junior’s “Family Tradition” is a fine thing; a raw bar at the reception with oysters and clams on the half-shell is even finer) and got to hear all sorts of wonderful gossip about the misdeeds of the children of national political figures past and present (c’mon, I’m dying to share: email me for the dirt on whose kids did what), and then this week was midterms week with student conferences, and, uh, well: How ’bout them Red Sox?

Yes, on Thursday, there were some class attendance issues. The students who actually made it to class related stories of trees set on fire, swimming in the nasty campus goose-poop pond, being strafed by police capsaicin bullets, and running from police helicopters. Ah, college life.

I’ve taken all my weblog entries, edited out the irrelevant stuff, and tried to hang them — sequentially — on the bones of the prospectus. It took a while, and I’m pretty happy with the results: so far, I have 75 single-spaced pages of good dissertation material, for which I need to fill in the gaps. Somebody give me a high five, wouldja?

And, yes, finally, the girls have settled down.

Screaming Cat Freak-Out

So Tink was out on the deck today, sniffing around around in the leaves, and she finds this one spot she got really curious about. Lots of up-close sniffing, whiskers a-twitching, the tail going and everything. There’s been a fat squirrel raiding the birdfeeders, and I think that’s who she smelled — but unfortunately, Zeugma came up right beside her just when she was sniffing this odd scent, and startled her terribly, so much so that Tink hissed at Zeugma and bolted inside. Zeugma, apparently thinking it was a game, gave chase, and before I could follow, there arose from the living room an absolutely unholy commotion: not just yowling or growling or spitting, but screams like I’ve never heard cats make, like as loud as people screams. The screams were still going on when I got in there, Tink with her ears flat back against her head and her tail all bottle-brushy, and Zeugma — having realized that it wasn’t a game — spitting back with the Halloween-cat arch and bristle. They tore off into another couple circuits around the apartment until I was able to scoop up Zeugma and close her in the bedroom. Tink was hiding under the kitchen table, and she started screaming at me — really, it was scary how loud she got — as soon as I came in the room, so I backed off, and she dashed behind the dryer, where she hid all afternoon, growling when I got too close.
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