Preterition

Warren Zevon died a little over 16 years ago, and while he’s mostly known today for his AOR hits (“Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “Ah.” “Ah who?”), his deeper cuts (“Desperadoes Under the Eaves,” “The Hula Hula Boys,” “If You Won’t Leave Me I’ll Find Somebody Who Will”) are among my all-time favorite songs. There were a couple bits of recent news that made me cue up the playlist.

Seminole Bingo

I’m a junk bond king And I’m on the run Me and a friend of mine We were headed for the sunshine

I got my hands on the wheel I got gas in the tank I got a suitcase full of money From a Luxembourg bank

We didn’t stop ‘til we got to Big Cypress Wandered in to the Legion Hall The sign outside said “Seminole Bingo” Fell in love with the ping pong balls

And the SEC is far behind Down in the swamp with the gators and flamingos A long way from Liechtenstein I’m a junk bond king playing Seminole Bingo

And my Wall Street wiles Don’t help me even slightly Cause I never have the numbers And I’m losing nightly

I cashed in the last of my Triple B bonds Bought a double-wide on the Tamiami Trail I parked it right outside the reservation Fifteen minutes from the Collier County Jail

And the SEC is far behind Down in the swamp with the gators and flamingos A long way from Liechtenstein I’m a junk bond king playing Seminole Bingo

Mr. Bad Example

I started as an altar boy working at the church Learning all my holy moves, doing some research Which led me to a cash box labeled “Children’s Fund” – I’d leave the change and tuck the bills inside my cummerbund

I got a part-time job at my father’s carpet store Laying tackless stripping and housewives by the score I loaded up their furniture and took it to Spokane And auctioned off every last naugahyde divan

I’m very well acquainted with the seven deadly sins I keep a busy schedule trying to fit them in I’m proud to be a glutton and I don’t have time for sloth I’m greedy and I’m angry and I don’t care who I cross

I’m Mr. Bad Example, intruder in the dirt – I like to have a good time and I don’t care who gets hurt I’m Mr. Bad Example, take a look at me – I’ll live to be a hundred and go down in infamy

Of course I went to law school and took a law degree And counseled all my clients to plead insanity Then worked in hair replacement swindling the bald Where very few are chosen and fewer still are called

Then on to Monte Carlo to play chemin de fer I threw away the fortune I made transplanting hair I put my last few francs down on a prostitute Who took me up to her room to perform the flag salute

Whereupon I stole her passport and her wig And headed for the airport and the midnight flight, you dig? Fourteen hours later I was down in Adelaide Looking through the want ads sipping Fosters in the shade

I opened up an agency somewhere down the line To hire aboriginals to work the opal mines But I attached their wages and took a whopping cut And whisked away their workman’s comp and pauperized the lot

I’m Mr. Bad Example, intruder in the dirt – I like to have a good time and I don’t care who gets hurt I’m Mr. Bad Example, take a look at me – I’ll live to be a hundred and go down in infamy

I bought a first class ticket on Malaysian Air And landed in Sri Lanka none the worse for wear I’m thinking of retiring from all my dirty deals I’ll see you in the next life, wake me up for meals